Sunday, March 20, 2011

I Love Samoas

As is evidenced here, here, and here. Those examples were all in 2009. I missed the girl scouts that year, but my friend Dara sent me a box full of boxes of Samoas for my birthday a couple months later and that helped me get my fix. Last year I missed the girl scouts again. A friend of mine who claimed he knew me very well got me Thin Mints "because he knew how much I liked them." Oh boy the rage. Now I won't name names, but I hold grudges in this case.

This year I went all out to get what I needed. Lucky for me my boss has the hook up, unfortunately my girlfriend is pure evil with a capital B. But let me start at the beginning...
I forgot once again that around this time of year, every year, the girl scouts come out from hibernation to sell their sweet nectar harvested from the morning dew brought by rainbows spewed from the mouths of unicorns feasting on mermaid scales. It's really a magical process. On my way to Staples to get some packing material, Stef and I saw a troop jumping up and down outside Walgreens (across the street from Staples) selling their delicious excrements.

Since we had no cash, we drove around looking for an ATM. We gave up hope after a little bit partly because there was none within a square mile, and also because I knew we would be able to find them again. 

The next day Stef went to the headquarters to get them because she's bought from there before. They told her they don't sell them there and that she would have to go online and find the location where the girls would be jumping up and down next. Well we went online and found out they would be selling cookies that night at a CVS which didn't exist. I figured they would be at a location where there was a CVS, but they weren't. Stef tried again a different day at a different location (for a different troop) and they weren't there either.

Aside: It is interesting how they are finally using the internet after I posted about modern technologies two years ago (one of the links above), but they still don't have any entrepreneurial skill and can't show up to their posted location. Also the troop mom, or hive mother, or whatever she is called, should use a little device called Square (or even just paypal) to accept credit cards. Duh! Aside over.

I talked to Koch about this and he detailed how it all goes down in the girl scout ranks. I told him my story and then I asked if he could use his direct connection to get me some boxes. He could, and I immediately heard the immaculate voices sing "Hallelujah!" (You all know the song.) 

Well on Friday, my delivery arrived. Five boxes of heavenly mana brought by a messenger angel sent from a god. The god of sugary hunger, of course. I immediately ate a box. (I'm that sad.) I used the rest of the weekend to eat another box. 

My girlfriend in all her infinite wisdom, realized how quickly I would go through the other three boxes if I went unsupervised and so she hid the remaining three boxes from me. She said I would get one every few days after she has deemed enough time has passed between location revelations.

My friends, that is called terrorism, and if Bush/Obama doesn't send the military to right these wrongs, then that is a crime against humanity. I have scoured my entire house and I have no clue where these boxes may rest. I fear the worst. I can hear those cookies screaming for their lives. All I have is a tv screen that shows the fear on those poor little cookie faces, but I have no trace as to where to begin looking. 

Oh boy, I'm in for a rocky week.

1 comment:

Dad said...

I'll say you are...how does your giant samoa recipe look. will you need to dust it off and give it another whirl? then again how does the seven layer bars hold up... i think that recipe can be modified to be a giant square samoa. i think it deserves some consideration or at least a mention. do i smell a contest????

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