Monday, December 20, 2010

Confidence Breeds Motivation

I recently hit a major snafu in my research. Nothing I did seemed to work even though I had performed all that stuff before and it worked. Starting this summer we had one problem after another and slowly but surely it wore on me. 

The more I failed the more my confidence wavered. Usually I have high confidence in anything around me but myself in particular. After spending months on failure that confidence began to falter. With that confidence, began the problems in motivation.

For the past couple of weeks I've been trudging through my lab tasks working up the motivation to do anything. Now, I did my duties (all of which ended in its usual miserable failure), but it was extremely hard at times just to get started and even harder to continue when the projects didn't work out. 

I suppose this is just part of reasearch. No one said accomplishing a task that very few in the world have accomplished would be easy. No one said that discovering something entirely new would be a cinch. but even still, something had to work.

Especially when you've accomplished that something before. It finally hit a head two weeks ago when I was away in NY. I received news that the freezer broke. The very freezer that I use to store all of my DNA and all of my enzymes and everything that is important to my research. Broke. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to continue?

It turned out to not be so bad, but it is disheartening to find out something so crucial to your work faced its demise. Of course I thought the worst, but in the end I was able to save the important stuff and had to trash some things that are replaceable. But still, the motivation wasn't there.

Then came the saving grace. Who knew that I loved Biology so much? Biology the study of living things gave me the pick me up that I needed in my time of need and trouble. Koch decided it would be time to start fresh, and this gave me the opportunity to design, plan, and perform some biological experiments. Turns out I like doing that a lot. I always get a charge out of doing something new. Not just anything new, but something new in science. It's always so exciting. And now I'm carrying on getting shit done and kicking ass once again.

Of course, the world has to get in my way and close everything between now and January 3rd. That means that I can't order anything or get it shipped to the lab. Oh well, Koch's got my back on that too. He knows the workaround and is hooking me up. Take that environment. 

So now that I got my motivation back, it's time to build some confidence. Once I get that, watch out world. I'm gonna be taking some names...

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