Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Finale of The Tournament of the Gods: Unicron vs Chuck Norris

Ah hah! You thought I forgot about this didn't you? Well I've secretly been keeping tabs on this the whole time. And you might want to go back and refresh yourself or just read what you may have missed (which could be a lot). Once you are done with that we'll get started.

At the end of the semifinal round, it was declared that the two winners would be allowed to train for 2 years to compete for the honor of the world's greatest god (Jesus was eliminated so thus the g is not capitalized). Anyways, catch the results after the break!
Today's Tournament of the Gods Championship Match features the biggest internet meme Chuck Norris competing against the devourer of worlds Unicron!


And they will be competing:
...at a bar in an arm wrestling match.
What a surprising turn of events. First, an arm wrestling match! Wow, that is the ultimate man competition outside of lifting strange shaped heavy objects numerous times. Second, there were a ton of people at the venue and it was standing room only. How they found out, being that only I knew the location, is beyond me. Finally, how did Unicron even fit in the bar? I don't think I'll ever know that. He didn't shrink down and the bar didn't have ridiculously tall ceilings. Anyways let's get to the details.

Chuck Norris and Unicron sat down on ridiculously small stools and each grabbed a handle. I still don't understand what and how Unicron was holding on (being that his hands are as big as cities!). The ref held their locked hands together and... Chuck let go to reset.

Then the ref held their locked hands together and... Chuck had to scratch his head.

Then the ref held their hands together and... Chuck fell out of his chair. The ref warned him for wasting time. Another incident and he would be disqualified.

The ref then was ready to get underway when... Unicron let go of the handle.

Both competitors were warned once again. Finally some action. Both competitors began to dig in. They locked grips tightly and the ref let go. The arm wrestling was underway!

First Chuck had the upper hand and got Unicron with 3 inches of the pad. Then Unicron came storming back and put Chuck down to within an inch of the pad. Chuck gathered himself and pulled up to neutral position. Both competitors looked gassed but neither would give up. Suddenly the ground started to quake. 

Chuck Norris was unfazed, but Unicron looked a little disturbed. Then he started to look sick. Suddenly...

BOOM!

Unicron exploded into pieces and there was smoke and fire all over the place (and robot guts). It took a good 3 hours for the dust to settle and you could see a silhouette of a man standing triumphantly. As the dust settled and the lights came back, you could see the man was no man, he was a god amongst men and the winner of the tournament of the gods...

It was the Rock! Holy smokes where the heck did he come from? Then I remembered that two years ago the Rock was just about to beat Unicron in their action figure fight when Unicron grabbed the real Rock and ate him (subsequently his action figure survived). The Rock was biding his time in the devourer's abdomen until this moment.

When all the smoke cleared, you could see Unicron's hand (nothing else remained) resting on the arm wrestling pad. But Chuck Norris was also unconscious and his arm was also in the down and out position. The ref somehow surviving the explosion raised the Rock's hand in victory! 
Wow, what a tournament! I had a great time delivering all the REAL facts from this all-too real tournament. I'll never forget this experience and just remember that you saw it here and only here on the Randomly Grad Life. Have a great millennium folks!

1 comment:

Dad said...

What!!!!!

Foul....

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