Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I am not a tool, but my girlfriend is!

I hate reality shows. Absolutely hate them. They are pretty much the downfall of society. Channels like MTV and Vh11 are the catalyst for this recent (relatively in the scope of all time) new cultural phenomenon. They have become the mainstream for these channels as well. Neither channel shows music anymore and in fact I think Vh1 doesn't even show other shows either. Their slogan has evolved to "Watch and Discuss." The motto when translated into nonTV english roughly states, "You won't ever be able to change the channel, we are slowly killing your brain cells, and we now have your credit card information."

MTV's reality lineup includes the forever the same "Real World" and let's compare my awesome life to this person's awful life "True Life: Something that shouldn't be ridiculous but it is". They also promote reality like shows that involve the most blatant bad acting I've ever had to endure (why I watch this is yet to come). Not to mention stuff like "Made", where high schoolers are prodded into being something that they think they want to do because it's supposed to be cool, fail miserably at, have no drive to really succeed in their new task of life, and then are applauded for doing the most under-mediocre performance of their life.

Vh1 shows on the other hand take one show and then spin-off thousands of same versions of that show. It all started with "I Love the Something's" a show that talked about random things from a certain decade. After that, they then took the most washed up actors and quasi famous people from recent decades (80's and 90's) and put them in a show. One of those people (Flava Flav) was so popular he got his own show (Flavor of Love). Rejected people from that show got their own shows (Somethings of Love). Now nobodies are getting love shows. Yes they all end in "... of/at Love." The newest one is actually their most clever title yet "For the Love of Ray J." You see how they put the of/at love in the beginning? Genius.

I however have the privilege of being allowed to watch 4 great shows. Thank you Stef! I get to watch Real World (MTV), Double Shot at Love, Rock of Love Bus (another brain buster title), and Tool Academy. (I'm still trying to figure out why there is no love in the title. I mean how are people supposed to know they have to watch it?) Let me break down each show:

Real World: "This one takes place in Brooklyn. We put a bunch of people from completely different background (transgenders, mormons, army, gays, black people, muscle guys, etc.) and lock them all in the same house. We tell them to go find jobs and then conveniently provide them opportunities that no normal people are provided. Then we slowly unlock each of these people's most guarded secrets and watch them all explode on each other." This is the actual info from Comcast. As dumb as that sounds, I can't turn away from it. DVR not yet set to record.

Double Shot at Love: Twin, rich, and bisexual girls are given the chance to find love. They get to pick from girls and guys. They then fight over said contestants. Poor girls, you have no chance at finding love. I used to be completely opposed to this, but for some reason I have been turned on to it. Poor me...

Rock of Love Bus: Some no name rocker from the 80's (Bret Michaels from Poison) finds the skankiest women and gets to choose the sluttiest of them all. He claims he wants love, but every episode all he wants to do is get in their pants. He does, and the girls love it. The girls also do some ridiculous challenges to fight for his attention, all while wearing the skimpiest clothes. Stef was into this and I used to argue with her. Now Vh1 has my credit card number.

Tool Academy (aka Have your Love and Eat it Too): I saved the best for last. The title of this post is a quote from the latest episode, and is no knock on Stef. This show took a bunch of guys who were the worst men on the planet in terms of relationships, and tries to reform them using a British therapist. Anyone with a British accent is the most intelligent possible person for the position so it makes sense (thank you Weakest Link). These guys slowly confess to being horrible people and make up with their girls along the way, bringing them closer and closer to long lasting love. They also do even more ridiculous challenges (then Rock of Love Bus) for the chance to have conjugal visits. Whoever makes the least progress at the end of each week is voted off, and the phrase is "You are just a tool." Nothing makes me feel better about myself than watching this show. Unfortunately I think I'm getting dumber each time I watch it. Notice how lately blog posts have been just numbers. I have lost the ability to form coherent sentences and I only receive glimpses of it from time to time (now being one of them).

Oh yea I also watch Heroes, but don't tell me about the latest episode yet.

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