Monday, September 22, 2008

TOTG Round 2: Superman (1) vs. Chuck Norris (8)


Location:


Chuck Norris can do all those things from the Chuck Norris Facts, and Superman can do all those things from the comics. So then the winner of this will be decided based on who can do more. It was decided this fight would take place under the sea, because damn it it's better down where it's wetter. With that said, let's get to the facts:

Superman:

  • Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound
  • Heat vision
  • X-Ray Vision
  • Ice Breath
  • Super strength
  • Flies
  • Can even turn back time by flying around the Earth
  • Invulnerability
  • Faster than the Flash
  • Super hearing and smell
  • He died once but came back to life because Superman can't die

Chuck Norris:

  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear...Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow.
  • The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake was when he thought he made a mistake.
  • There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
  • Chuck Norris invented zombies so that he can kill his victims again.
  • Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest with a fish.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Wow, what a remarkable tale-of-the-tape! The judges (an urchin, a lobster, and a chick with some shells on her boobs) were ready to make a decision and then someone swam into the arena with some vital information. Before the man could share the information he had, Chuck Norris stopped everything and withdrew from the competition. He said he knew what the young man had in his hands and it wasn't fair to his competitor that this information be released. Wow. 

Well I guess Superman wins. And just like that, Chuck Norris has been defeated for the first time ever. I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick just for posting this.

Update: I was able to get my hands on the information from the stranger who interrupted the competition. He had another list of Chuck Norris Facts. You can find them here and even more here.

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