Wednesday, September 3, 2008

TOTG Round 2: Jesus (2) vs. Quetzalcoatl (10)


Location:

Welcome to the start of round 2. The first round was really captivating and if you missed it, you can go back and read it. Don't worry there is plenty of time... done yet? How bout now? Ok, let's continue on then. Some of my fans have been asking me why there has been such a long delay between the first and second rounds. The reason is not because I have been busy with my regular life, but because the fighters needed a break from the exhausting battles and the grueling travel they had to endure (ie Unicron went all over the universe and I had to come back from Jupiter to write this, thank goodness there is some wi-fi in space).

Anyways... Jesus and Quetz get to go at it. For those too lazy to reread, Jesus whooped Bruce Almighty and Quetzalcoatl had a major upset over Ares in round 1. This fight was the most unorthodox of all.

Jesus and Quetz decided to go at it in a religion popularity contest. Whoever had the most worshipers at the end of the day was the winner. I managed to gather 100,000,000 people at the base of the mountain (the one pictured above) and use the Men in Black flashy thing to erase their religious beliefs. A few moments later both combatants began preaching, profecizing, converting, and doing whatever it took to get believers.

Jesus was up to his old tricks of miracles, parables, and being a nice guy. Quetz was doing what I assumed he had to do to get the Aztecs on his side (brainwashing), cause there was all sorts of craziness going on at his camp. There were pyramids and sacrifices and all that jazz. To gain an upper edge Jesus had three showings of his death and resurrection (one every 3 hours). I had the opportunity to attend and it was pretty cool. It was titled "The Jesus Action Stunt Spectacular!"

Quetz then started eating people and pooping them out to make more people. He was clearly worried about Jesus' converting abilities. Jesus also had Rock Band going on on his side of the mountain.

At the end of the day I counted all the tallies and it was 84,670,549 for Jesus and the rest for Quetz (which is less than 16 million). Why did Jesus win by so much? Everyone was having a grand ole time at the Jesus side and Quetz spent a huge portion of the day killing people and making pyramids to worship himself instead of attracting followers. Those Aztecs, they are so lazy.

Winner: Jesus

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