Friday, September 19, 2008

The Biggest Quandry Ever

So the other day, I got stuck in quite the pickle. Larry and I were riding the bus from CHTM (where we work) to campus. The dynamics of this are quite nice. The school provides a shuttle system from various places to campus. One of the shuttles goes right by our work which is why we take the bus.

Anyways, on the bus I spotted a ziplock bag on the floor. In it were 3 cookies, probably Chips Ahoy according to my nose and my fingers (no I didn't touch the cookies, but merely groped them through the bag). And here was the situation... should we eat the cookies?

Of course I asked this aloud and some woman overheard and just laughed. Some people are so nosy.

The pros: They are in a plastic sealed bag, they are cookies, we are hungry, they are free.

The cons: They could have a multitude of diseases (AIDS being the primary drawback), they could have razor blades in them, they could really not be cookies at all.

So as you can see the pros greatly outweigh the cons. How? Well if you reread my list you will see that the cons are all could be and what if's, while the pros are all certainties. Of course there is the social faux pas of eating something that has a mysterious background, but let's further examine this and make several relevant comparisons.

1. Not all mysterious things are bad. Surprises are good. Christmas presents (and birthday, anniversary, valentines, and veterans day gifts as well) are awesome. What about the little prizes in Easter eggs, or in cracker jack boxes. All these things are mysterious and good. What are bad mysteries? Only the things from Unsolved Mysteries.

2. Society isn't all its cracked up to be. The general population is dumb. Just think of the numerous things that society is afraid of that turned out to be ok: fire, guys with earrings, muppets, mysterious things, cell phones, and black people just to name a few. (The jury is still out on the following: Mexicans)

3. Eating off the floor isn't bad. We have things like the 5 second rule for a reason. And these cookies were in a sealed bag to prevent dirt. There is no rule for that and as such I deem there to be an indefinite length of time that things can be in bags before consumption (obvious limitation being mold and fungus). Plus how are we supposed to develop immunities if we make sure that nothing bad enters our bodies? We need to live and learn!

4. This happens every Halloween anyways. This is my main argument. Children walk around dressed like fools (I take part in this ritual as well) and eat things that have just as mysterious a background as my cookies. The only difference is the candy is given to kids by crazy adults, and my cookies were lost by some crazy adult. Someone out there was going to eat those cookies and just lost them. Who gives away candy? No one thats who. At least not without trying to do harm. Thats why the cookies are even less suspect than candy on Halloween. In fact, there are the same dangers I listed in the cons as there are on Halloween to millions of children. If I shouldn't eat those cookies, then shouldn't we as society rethink the whole Halloween thing. And if that's the case then I just proved argument 2.

5. Cookies are good. They are delicious. The worst that could have happened from the cons is I either get some stomach cramps that night, or my mouth is cut up from razors. Both are minor inconveniences in the scope of the deliciousness of cookies.

I will tell you something. I did not eat those cookies. I almost gave them to a friend to make sure they were alright before I ate them, but then I pondered the kind of friend I would be offering death cookies to just this one friend instead of all friends, so I opted against it. After discussing the above, I wish I did eat those cookies because I feel that the odds of good to bad were in my favor. Shame on all you in society who made me feel like I should not eat cookies from the floor of a bus in a ziplock bag that has a mysterious origin. Shame on you...

No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails