Tuesday, August 5, 2008

What do Ray, Jason, and Food all have in common?

So I've mentioned this several times and that is there are several themes of this trip to Hawaii. I have already written of 2 of them, Ray faces and food, there is at least one two more that I can think of now and they both involve my little brother. First I will discuss the top two themes.

The Ray face: Why would someone do this? It was actually on the beach on the day we were heading to the PCC that I thought it would be hilarious if I did this. As you can see from my first Ray face picture I was cracking up while doing the Face (an entity all its own), that and my mom was taking forever to take the damned picture. I thought it was such a great idea. It turned out to be so much more. It was awesome and quite possible the funniest thing I have ever done, of couse after 2 other things that happened on this trip (one I will get to later and is referred to as Gaylord's, the other was that nasty quip about my brother and teasing (damn I'm good)).

What is so awesome about the Ray face? I reply, what isn't? I mean you get to take a picture while smiling, not showing teeth, looking completely ridiculous and it being funny to all those that matter (that being yourself). If that doesn't tickle your pickle then just know you are making fun of somebody while doing it. This is a joke that goes out to all those who ruin so many photos. I encourage you all to go out into the world and spread the knowledge of the Ray face, by ruining pictures of your own and telling others why you did it. They will get a kick out of it and start doing it to others as well. Soon everyone in the world will be smiling like that and those who show teeth will be ruining the pictures. Brilliant I tell you. Brilliant.

Engorging one's self: What was my motivation behind this rapid weight gain (btw I don't think it is very healthy for me to have both gained and lost 10lbs in 2 weeks time although very awesome)? I think I just felt that I was invincible cause of the whole vacation thing. It's like the area code rule with girls. It's not cheating if you are in a different area code. Well on vacation exercise and diet have no impact on the vacation. I think people work out and exercise all year just so they can pig out on vacation, or at least their version of a pigout. Well I pigged out, and it was spectacular! I think my objective was to eat everything on every menu. While I never came close to this, at most places I did want to eat like every dessert but held back cause restaurants are expensive. Whenever there was an all you can eat, I def did that. Enough for myself and my family, since they sucked and couldn't even eat their own money's worth I had to eat it for them. I gained 8lbs, but I wonder how much weight I ate in pure food. The first couple days is Hawaii I did work out, doing both weight lifting and cardio and random stuff throughout the day, but eventually I just said "Fuck it."

So I gave up on the exercise and just ate. I figured I would get enough of a work out each day, cause we walk around all the time. Who knew you couldn't possibly get enough when you eat like 6-7000 calories per day. Maybe I had a few 10000 calorie days. Is that even possible? Well sweets and other assorted junk definitely gets the toll up there without being filling. I know for a fact that each pound is approx 3500 calories, so to gain 10 of them would require 35000 more than I burned off. Impressive. Who knows how much I burnt off with all the extra curriculars. I'm willing to guess the total was double that (figure about 14000 being burned just for being awake each day for 7 days at 2000 per day). I now reminisce to one of my greatest eating moments when I consumed a dozen Krispy Kreme's, a big mac, a big bacon classic, and 2 slices of pizza all within 2 hours time. That right there was like 5000 calories. I think I wanna go out as a competitive eater. I will start this regime in my 50's so that I can just die at 60 of a massive heart attack due to clogged arteries. At this point I will have eaten so much that my body can no longer digest food and the things that block my arteries are hamburger chunks and Reese's Cups and all that yummy. Enough of that now.

One of the lesser themes of the trip was Random photos. I won't show any pics of these, but they exist and encompass one of several categories. Making fun of Japanese. They always do these stupidly goofy poses, so I got one of my brother in front of the Aloha tower making the double piece sign with his mouth open like an Anime drawing. Another situation, funny props. I got one of these at PCC with this retarded (sorry Diego) looking statue holding his belly with his tongue out. I of course had to emulate. Candid shots. I got mom and dad with their backs to the camera. When my mom asked why I said, "Cause I have enough of the front, and I don't think the back gets enough credit." True statement. Mock underwater. I have one where I am pretending I am underwater. I convey this theme by holding my breath and snapping a pic while leaning over the ocean.

By now I know you can't get enough, so I add utter humiliation: One of my favorite objectives was to get pictures of my brother catching him completely off guard. I have so many classics. There was one instant at a beach where he was just hunched over in the water and he looked so funny, like a cartoon character. I snapped one of that. He was so upset with that one. I had sheer pleasure on my face. Back pat that one. (Cue great idea.) My other favorite picture is the one at the Aloha tower marketplace. My brother got some ice cream and spilled it on his shirt. I captured his soul when he was complaining to my mom about it and wasn't paying attention. Sucks to be him. That was his favorite shirt, which is why it is one of my favorite pics. I do like that shirt though, as I wear it when I go home (I wear his clothes since I never pack my own).

I have one last theme for you all. I dub it Gaylord's!!! On our first day in Kauai, we drove past this restaurant with a classy name. "Jay, its your home!" I exclaim as proud as a father seeing his child off to college. From that moment I knew it would be my ultimate quest to get my brother and that sign in the same frame, to be immortalized for all eternity (thats as redundant as gay fags). We must have drove by that sign about 5 times, and each time the joke only got better and better. "Jay it's your home." "I heard you were coming out today." "I think they missed you at the reception yesterday." Many more were to come. One fine day my mom asked me where I wanted to eat dinner. I replied with a word, Gaylord's. It was the most perfect finish to the best trip. We would go on this tour of a sugar cane plantation, then eat fine dining merrily. We really only got the meal, but it sounds pretty fantastically gay doesn't it? Meal it was, and good. Best meal I ever had (maybe), but thats neither here nor there. After dinner I said, "There is only 1 thing left for me to do." "I am not taking a picture in front of that stupid sign." We drove away from the restaurant and I made my mom park the car just off the main road, so I can get at the main sign. Upon arrival, I took a good gander at the marquee. It was perfect, with flowers all over it and eloquent cursive lettering. I glance to my left and there is the most perfect sight. I spot a flower bush with bright yellows all over it. I pick one off and hand it to Jay, and tell him to pose. The rest is history.

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