Friday, July 25, 2008

Tournament of the G/gods

I wrote a rap lyric, which I will post on here when it is done (the lyric came to me while at the gym and I haven't thought of it since so thus I don't have anything other than what I thought of the other day), that mentioned a couple of Norse gods. Then I thought to myself, "How awesome would it be if I pitted the 16 best gods against each other in a random battle of ultimate supremacy. I would bear witness to the battles and report back to you what happened.

How can I do this? Well I'm good friends with a ton of mythological beings (and some not mythological) and I just need to have my people call their people. It will be set up in no time. Plus I support all those guys' fund raisers, so they owe me.

Anyways I will rank them 1-16 and place them in a bracket sorta like NCAA March Madness. I encourage you all to fill in your own bracket and place the bets are various Vegas online betting sites. Note: I do not advocate excessive gambling.

Anyways here is the field and why I think they deserve to be in this battle of the century:

1. Superman - Everyone knows this guy. He is pretty much the end all be all of DC comics which is why he barely nudged Jesus for the 1 seed. What can't this man do? Die! That and come his hair any other way.
2. Jesus - The man with the plan. This guy is straight gangsta. One of the top 5 most pimp people, the originator of the chalice. He also died for our sins so thats gotta count for something.
3. The Rock - My favorite person of all time. I would go gay for this man. Anyone who can turn me gay is a god indeed.
4. Thor - The coolest of the cool Norse gods (it was down to him and Odin). This dude wields a legendary hammer, runs the Asgard world, and gets his own monthly comic series. He also dominates thunder.
5. Jupiter - The largest planet in our solar system, and the father of the Roman gods. I was gonna use Zeus, but I went with another Greek 2 down. He would be way cooler without that huge red zit!
6. Unicron - My favorite transformer. He is so awesome that he changes from a robot to a planet! He is also so cool that he consumes all other planets in his path.
7. Ares - Greek god of war and main antagonist of the hit video game God of War. He's got some flaming locks and all and kicks some serious butt.
8. Chuck Norris - The only man to teach Adam and Eve a lesson. People come up with jokes for him everyday, but in reality they are his life stories. I heard the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
9. Neo - became a god in the Matrix, once he believed, something I have been telling people since day 1. He can fly and change the world around him, but once he was done... he could stop bullets. The real doozy is, would he have broken that vase if no one said anything?
10. Quetzalcoatl - an Aztec sky and creator god. I asked him to join cause he was pretty badass in Final Fantasy 8 as a lightning spewing bird of craziness. And cause I needed one more head.
11. Galactus - Marvel Comics' own devourer of worlds. Only stopped by people in the know. You can't really beat him... just convince him to dine elsewhere. Unless of course he's in a movie and Silver Surfer flies into his cloud of destruction.
12. Gozer - the Gozerian. This is the villain from Ghostbusters. He will bring your dreams to fruition. You want a 50ft walking marshmallow man? You got one. Just remember, if someone asks if you're a god you say, Yes!
13. Raiden - probably my poorest choice of god. This is the guy from Mortal Kombat that would fly across the screen yelling some weird god stuff. He is another lightning thunder shooter and I really just wanted to watch him fight Thor.
14. Osiris - Egyptian god of life, death, and fertility. He's got a cool headdress and some pimp canes. Osiris was not only the redeemer and merciful judge of the dead in the afterlife, but also the underworld agency that granted all life, including sprouting vegetation and the fertile flooding of the Nile River. So take that.
15. Bruce Almighty - not a god really, but had the powers of the God. That makes for one interesting confrontation with the Son of the Almighty. If the Sabers can win the Stanley Cup, then Bruce can be in this battle.
16. Julius Caesar - he's only in here because he called himself a god. It was either me or him. Me because I labeled myself 4 under God (God, Jesus, Mary, Me) when I was young. I couldn't put myself in this battle cause there are some big guys in here who are scary and could hurt me. Plus all the fire and brimstone that would rain on me surely would hurt my reputation. Caesar it is.

1 comment:

Mom said...

The Rock had me LOL

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