Wednesday, July 30, 2008

TOTG Round 1: Superman (1) vs. Julius Caesar (16)

Apparently (as I was told by both Superman and Caesar) these two have met once before, in the world of the comic book. Now we all know that comics are for kids and this "battle" probably ended with both parties loving each other as was the way back in the 60's or whenever this came out.

Anyways, that fight doesn't count cause its fiction. This is the real deal right here and I bring it to you exclusively:

This fight lasted longer than expected, but still not too long. Superman was clearly holding back and toying with the great Roman emperor, but JC (not to be confused with God the 2nd) put up one heck of a fight. It started with a little name calling. Superman gave the usual uncreative disses, shouting out Yo Mama jokes and verbally bashing Caesar. Both Caesar and I laughed because we both knew he didn't understand English. Then Caesar fired back with a horribly spoken, "Yo mama!" Supes was pissed, and he came flying at Caesar.

Julius was able to dodge the fly and parried with a slice to the superbelt. Mr.S's pants fell to his ankles and the arena exploded with laughter and pointing. I withheld because I knew the fury of the Man-of-Steel and I didn't want him coming after me. After all, I want to live to see my brother grow up.

Superman then just let Caesar have it. For this portion of the fight he was using his super speed so I had no clue what was going on. It was like one of those cartoon dust cloud brawls, where at the end the persons involved were all tattered. When the dust settled it was Caesar on the losing end of some serious black-and-blues with three black eyes. Thats right. Superman beat him up so bad he made Caesar spout a third eye just to give him an extra one.

Then he picked him up and threw him into outer space. From here my guess is one of two things. He either threw him into the sun like in Superman IV, or he threw him around the Earth so fast that he went back in time like in Superman I. Other things could have happened that are more realistic but I prefer to believe in one of these two events.

Anyways... battle 1 is done and Superman advances to face the winner of Chuck Norris/Neo. Let the tournament continue...

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