Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Top 5: Funniest Things I've Said to Stef

I was thinking the other day how funny I am. Then I started thinking of the 5 funniest things I could have ever said to Stef. Here is the list I came up with:

5. Beeps - I don't know what brought this up, but one day early in our relationship, Stef pinched my nose and my reaction was to make some beep noise. Astonished she did it again, and I beeped again. Then it turned into a game, where she would try and pinch and push my nose as fast as possible and see if I could keep up. I always did. Sometimes to catch her off guard I change the noise that comes out. My favorite though is to give a "MOOP" on a pinch. That usually ends the game because she will laugh hysterically.

4. I'm Dead - To be fair I used to do this to my brother all the time. While sitting with Stef I would look at her and then say "I'm dead!" I would make my body go limp and just lie on her motionless for as long as it took. I don't know what I wait for, but this game could be the funniest thing I do... ever! With my brother (and Stef) I have variations, sometimes I'm just sleeping, sometimes I get rigor mortis which is commenced by me saying, "I'm dead. Rigor mortis." I then latch onto the poor soul as they writhe in my clutches. All instances involve me laying on them, as complete dead weight.

3. Will You Marry Me? - After knowing Stef for like a week, I asked her this question. She looked at me extremely startled and then gently turned down the invitation. More on this quote later.

2. Orgasm to TWC - Flipping through the channels we came across the Weather Channel. For some reason I had this urge to just make sex noises at the TV. Everything the forecaster person said I would moan to, and it would climax at extremely severe weather. The best was a couple weeks ago, the forecasters were speaking of Hurricane Bertha and I went crazy. Why? Hurricanes are the culmination of wind, lightning, rain, hail, and destruction. I don't just moan and scream like a porn star though. I yell out something like, "Oh, rain! Wind, tear down those trees! Oh my goodness, Lightning and Thunder!" Whatever comes to mind. The very first time I did this, Stef had the most puzzled look on her face. So puzzled that the memory will be etched in my mind forever. Then she broke out in incessant laughter.

1. Opposite of Hate - As most of these things were initiated on like our 3rd date (maybe 1 week into meeting), so to is this priceless phrase. This night I was sitting with Stef. This next part went down 1 of 2 ways. She might have asked me if I liked her, or I might have looked at her and told her straight up. Either way the following words came out of my mouth with the most serious look on my face. "I the-opposite-of-hate you!" She thought for a moment, perhaps wondering what these words could mean. "You love me?" She wondered aloud. Then my stern gaze turned into brightness as I immediately proclaimed, "No. I don't hate you. Not hate is the opposite of hate, silly." She nervously chuckled "Oh." Now this has spun off to include anything. I will always through in a the-opposite-of something into sentences as she tries to figure out if I am speaking of not something, or the actual opposite of something. Example: I said I was the-opposite-of mad. She asked me, "Not mad?" I said, "No...What is the real opposite of mad?" Then we concluded that not mad was the real opposite of mad and proceeded to turn into a gas station.

2 comments:

Steffleupagus said...

If I were allowed to re-order these, this is how it would go:

1. Orgasm to TWC - I think your description of this says enough...

2. Beeps - pinching your nose is fun

3. Opposite of hate - this could potentially cause problems one day

4. Will you marry me? - I am very interested to see your follow-up to this one

5. I'm dead - this is so not funny, by the way. i think i now require treatment for claustrophobia

you are ridiculous!

Steve Koch said...

Re-reading this because of your 2-year anniversary post and just laughed myself to tears. Congrats to Stef for tolerating you this long! :)

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