Thursday, April 3, 2008

The stomach ruins a date!

So last night I had a date with this pretty cute girl. We went out to dinner and had a pretty good time. She seemed to like me and I think we are gonna set something up to go out again.

But thats not what this post is about. This post is about how my gut has ruined another facet of my life. All throughout dinner my stomach would interrupt me to talk to the girl (her name is Stephanie, btw). So like I would be making pleasant conversation and the stomach would just cut in with something retarded like, "Yo babe, can a brotha get some sugah down here?" She would look at me like what was that and initially I would just say I don't know.

Then it got bad. It got to the point were it (now I have to name this thing) was arguing with me. I would tell Stephanie stories and my stomach would tell me I wasn't even there and that I'm making it up. It was like the opposite of a wingman. It was completely rude and obnoxious. When we left the restaurant, the stomach slapped her butt! She turned around and gave me "The Look" and then asked what that was for. I played it smooth and was like "I'm sorry I couldn't help myself, you have a lovely @$." She said thanks. The stomach grumbled.

When the evening was over I went in to kiss her and the stomach just pushed her away. So I tried again and the stomach once again interfered. The stomach then bellowed, "If you want some you gotta give it down here. Pour some sugar on me, baby, and I'll make it worth your while."

I then punched myself in the stomach and told her that I had to use the bathroom. Then the stomach threw me to the floor and an all out Battle Royal broke out on her front lawn. She shrieked in horror, and I told her to run for cover. When all was safe again, I apologized for its behavior and said goodnight. She then told me I was her hero and that we should try this again. I said I'll leave my stomach at home next time. Then we had raunchy, dirty, disgusting sex and I left.

F--- you stomach!

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